You can’t pray a lie

“And I about made up my mind to pray, and see if I couldn't try to quit being the kind of a boy I was and be better. So I kneeled down. But the words wouldn't come. Why wouldn't they? It warn't no use to try and hide it from Him. Nor from ME, neither. I knowed very well why they wouldn't come. It was because my heart warn't right; it was because I warn't square; it was because I was playing double. I was letting ON to give up sin, but away inside of me I was holding on to the biggest one of all. I was trying to make my mouth SAY I would do the right thing and the clean thing; but deep down in me I knowed it was a lie, and He knowed it. You can't pray a lie — I found that out.”

(The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, Mark Twain)

Because I come from a very religious Mormon family I was brought up praying at the very least 5 times a day.  As a young boy I prayed just because my family told me to do so.  As a young adult I prayed just because my family said to and because it became routine.  As an adult I have a hard time praying.  I really do remember the change that occurred after reading that book.  For the first time I actually thought about a supreme being that was watching us and knew us intimately inside and out.  God knew who I was and what I was really feeling and thinking.  So whenever  I kneel down to pray all I begin to do at first is sputter knowing I had to be careful as to what I said because I know He knows the truth and what is the point of praying for nothing? 

The mentality “You can’t pray a lie”  brings to me is simple; be honest in all that you do because God knows the real intention of your heart and will hold you accountable.  I think of all the bad things that I do in comparison to all the good things I get and I feel so undeserving.  How am I supposed to ask for blessings or help if I am not willing to do one hundred percent of what He says to do?

By not being able to pray a lie forces me to be honest in the most important aspect of my life, my spirituality.   Although by looking and/or living with me one would never believe that my spirituality is of utmost importance as I am far from being the type of person to wear my spirituality on my sleeve.  Even my wife would be surprised to know that my spirituality is important to me.  However, I believe I have what many people do not have.  Honesty of Self and to God.  I know who I am and I know what I am capable of and I can honestly set and say what I can do, will do, or will not be able to do.  When the topic of Self-Validation was brought up I smiled and knew I no longer was bound by the chains of pleasing others.

My Goals

1.)    Become a good father and husband.

2.)    Become financially successful enough to know I can provide anything my family wants or needs (not necessarily give it to them though).

3.)    Always strive to be true to myself and help others do the same.

4.)    Get to Heaven.

The Purpose of Life

Religiously the purpose of life means something different to me than what I think you actually want to hear and it seems to always take a back burner to what I actually honestly think most of the time.  So to honestly say what is on my mind;  I believe we are here on Earth to learn from each other; whether we learn by loving each other or by killing each other we are here to learn.  I believe I came to this Earth to teach others what I have learned and hopefully they can live their lives better than I did mine.  I believe each of us has a special purpose whether it is to die in a car accident or live to a ripe old age being loved by everyone and dying so that some may learn the pain of anguish and death. 

Deep down inside I sometimes wonder if all religion and everything that it teaches is bogus and that maybe, just maybe, I am still following when I should be leading my own life.  What if religion really doesn’t exist and I could have cheated, lied, and drunk myself silly?  If all we were on Earth were just unaccountable animals, how would I act?  Would I make the right choices?  What are the right choices?  Who made up which choices were right?  With these questions running through my mind I can’t help but conclude we are here to learn, evolve, and survive.

So being from Utah and being a Mormon, I, like many others,  have a calling (a job) in my church.  I am a Primary Teacher.  It is the best experience in my life... .  As a Primary Teacher I am responsible to teach a certain age group (Primary consists of ages 3 - 11) about what us Mormons believe.  Now don't get me wrong, I love being LDS and everything that goes with it.  I do not like having to teach a bunch of whiney, annoying kids.  I sometimes enjoy preparing the lesson and thinking of new ways to teach something that they can better understand, but most of the time I loathe it.  No matter how much effort I make in preparing a lesson that is both fun and informative it seems like a waste of time, the kids just fart around the whole time and no one hears the lesson.   Okay, all you goodie goodie Mormons save your judgment and your "go ask to be released" comments, I know what you're thinking.  But, C'MON NOW, who hasn't wanted to slap one of their students upside the head with a Book of Mormon for flicking his boogers on Suzy or for pantsing Tommy while he is giving a talk?  Nobody is perfect and most people have these same feelings.  I remember when I was in Primary Sean Covey (former BYU quarterback) was my teacher.  He had this HUGE championship ring that he wore and if we were acting up he would put it on his thumb and bonk us one right on the dome.  Needless to say it probably made things worse as each of us were happy to be touched by a championship ring even if it hurt a little. Eventually we even started to intentionally goof off in order to "feel the glory".  So this being said, how do we handle, in this day and age, teaching children that do not want to be taught?  And how do we discipline them?

Okay, I was spanked with a belt, stick, paddle, and hand.  I would have to say that most of the time I would stop doing whatever it was I was doing wrong because I would remember the consequence.  In those rare occasions where I pushed the limits to far I got spanked again.  In this day and age spanking is totally taboo, and I want to know why! 

 There is a difference between full on beating a child and giving him a light spanking.  I can see the argument "don't you want to teach your kids not to hit?  How can you do that when you hit them?"  So then I say "What then, ground them? Tell them you love them and are disappointed in them? Send them to their room?  Sit them down calmly and nicely?" C'MON NOW, there is no way that this works.  In my own family there are 4 boys and 2 girls, there is no way  this would have worked or did work.  Maybe we were just bad children or maybe we were just smart children that knew how to weigh whether or not the consequence was greater than the joy brought on by the disapproved action.  Children may be young but they most certainly are not dumb.  Don't think for one minute that your child doesn't weigh his consequences. 

Okay lets look at this from another angle...I have seen what I like to call the "Passive Parent", this type of parenting involves more talk, less walk.  For example,  a group of friends are invited to a BBQ and are all sitting around shootin' the breeze, all of the kids are playing together in the yard.  Then it happens, a wail of pain and anguish from a child, all parents go running to see the commotion.  Apparently one young boy pushed another young boy and made him cry, the "Passive Parent" gives the pusher a needed "Tommy don't push!" The crying subsides and the parents return to the table.  Five minutes later it happens all over again, and again and again and again.  Each time the parent tells the child "Tommy don't push!"  Finally, I can see the "Passive Parent" is getting upset, and I'm thinking that a good spankin' is inevitable.  I watch him walk over to Tommy to say "How many times do I have to tell you NOT to push?!  Go sit in time out until I say otherwise!"  Tommy walks to a chair at the far end of the yard and acts hurt.  As the parent turns around to walk back to the table Tommy makes a face at both the parent and the child who is crying.  Sound familiar?  How is this kid ever going to learn not to push?  My question is, will he learn better if you just tell him  

I was up in Alpine, Utah earlier this week and noticed all of the brand new behemoth homes popping up everywhere in this area.  Seeing these huge homes started a chain reaction of thoughts starting with how many of these people are really wealthy enough for such a huge home and ending with an article I had read showing Utah as being number one in Bankruptcy.

I've worked in the property management industry, credit reporting industry, and collections industry.  I can tell you that the majority of all the people I would see with bankruptcy or credit issues came right out of the Alpine area.  I would love to say that bankruptcy and money management problems were the same everywhere but seeing as Utah is number one in Bankruptcy I think it is safe to say it isn't. 

Why is Utah prone to such money management problems?  Personally I believe it may have to do something with the religious majority, I do not believe it is an intentional effect or flaw in what is being taught.  I do believe that mercy and justice needs to be defined and reiterated in a better, more vigorous manner.  For example, the word "mercy" is often linked to other words like love, charity, kindness, forgiveness and selflessness whereas the word "justice" is often linked to words like consequence, punishment and finality.  I believe this is where us Utahns 

I label this first blog entry as "Choices" for a reason.  Well... maybe for more than one reason.  I could go on about how life is nothing but choices and go deep into discussion of decision making and the human experience.  However, as advertised in my explanation of what this blog is to contain I will try as much as I can to spit out exactly what is on my mind without thinking about it first.  So to honestly tell you why I labeled this as "Choices" is due to a simple explanation. How should I express myself in writing?  Do I tell it like it is as though I am speaking with a friend on the sidewalk or do I treat it as though I am in a classroom giving a presentation?  Honestly I will probably go back and forth depending on my mood or situation.

C'mon now... is a place I can place my views of serious situations that have been blown way out of proportion and need to be taken down a notch (or vice versa).  I choose not to put up my picture or personal information because I intend to bring into light some controversial situations that involve acquaintances and family friends.  Call me a chicken or spineless, I don't care, I have a family and do not want my choices to become their consequences.  Because I live in Provo, Utah I will assume (don't know yet) many of the situations I will comment or gripe about will be from my personal experience living here.  If there is a "Hot Button" topic that you think needs to be taken down a notch feel free to voice it here.  I believe there is a point when an argument has become exhausted and one or both parties should just go their separate ways if no progress is being made.  I hope to refrain from superlatives and racist remarks but like I said, I just want to be able to spit it out like it is in my mind and hope to use this blog to educate myself and others. 

So, here we go...