Sometimes I feel the urge to just sit at my keyboard and pour my heart out.  One of those times could be now, we have to wait and see.  I moved from my parent’s home permanently when I was 17 years old.  I had not really been living there since I bought my first car at 16.  I bought a van a few months later and lived wherever it was parked.  I could not stand to be home with my parents.  They are very conservative Mormons.  I struggle with my religion on a daily basis.  I believe that people should be able to marry whoever they want.  I believe that a polygamous lifestyle is a religious right and therefore should not be banned by government and do not understand, given the history of the church, why our church does not fight for that right.  I often wonder if polygamy is legalized, will our leaders again embrace it?  Not the perverted version that is practiced by the illegitimate off shoots of Mormonism, but in its pure form, men being called to take in a widow or someone else in need.  In its pure form, polygamy is a beautiful fulfillment of Christ-like love in helping our fellow man, not dropping off boys in the desert so that old men can marry their sisters.

            Anyway, back to my youth.  It has now caught up to me as an adult.  My parents have come to live with my family.  My lovely wife suggested that we help them out by moving them into our home.  We have the room.  I have 5 bedrooms and my family only takes up 3 of them.  Right before the folks moved in, we had made the boys and the girls share rooms and were toying with the idea of bringing in foster children.  There would have been much less maintenance with the foster kids.  My mother sneaks us a little money each month to help pay the mortgage.   My dad flipped out and said that if she gave us any of HIS money, he would quit his job.  I cannot believe how selfish he is.  When we were children he never kept a steady job.  He would work somewhere for a while and then quit or get fired.  We lived off the government or the church through most of my adolescent life.  I have not had a day with out a job since I was 15 years old.  I always had another job before I quit the one I was at.  I was fired once, but only after I had obtained other employment.  When they first came to live here, we sat down to dinner and started filling his plate with food.  When one of the children asked him to pass something he stated that the adults ate first.  We quickly informed him that the children ate first in our house and that he could eat if there was any food left after the children were finished.  He grumped around a bit and then he was made to understand.         

            The point of this rambling is that I just can’t get rid of them.  I feel totally guilty about throwing them out, but they have to leave.  They are only around 60 years old but they act helpless.  They feel the need to tell my children what to do when I am standing right there.  They think that because they are my parents, I share their same ideals.  My father gets himself fired from every real job he gets and only works temp jobs.  He sleeps when he gets home and then wakes up at 3 am and wanders the house.  I don’t know what to do.  I feel trapped.